Here are the facts as I have come to accept them.  I will always suffer from depression.  I can’t remember I time when I did not.  It’s just that some times are more bearable than others.  People don’t really like me.  I’m quite sure that they talk about me behind my back.  Things like did you see what she was wearing or she is so crazy, perhaps even what’s wrong with her.

I don’t know.  You tell me.  What’s wrong with me.  So I cried my eyes out at Christmas when Santa was at the store because somebody had the bright idea that I go and see him.  I told him honestly what I wanted; which led to a river of tears and a very confused Santa.  My best friend had just died.  He was a 70 year old alcoholic; but he was my best friend.  We talked every day and went to the store every other day.  We’d laugh all the way there and back.  We talked about everything and nothing.  He gave me excellent advise about what to do about selling my house.  I wish he were still here.

The other fact is that my body is broken.  I have 8 or 9 slipped discs with other associated problems, two bad hips, and two bad knees.  I can no longer work at a job that requires standing.  It is physically impossible because the pain is excruciating.  I can’t even stand long enough to cook or wash dishes; I have to use a stool.

I can’t very well sit at at desk and type either.  While typing my neck and my shoulders fall asleep and then begin to hurt.  I can’t even tell you how many breaks I have to have in order to finish a blog.  I don’t think an employer would appreciate me stopping my work every few minutes until my neck and shoulders wake up.

I’ve been having to have iron infusions right at every three months for two years, now.  Only twice have I been able to wait six months.  I don’t think an employer would like for me to take half a day off once a week for eight weeks.  I’ve had critically low potassium twice.  I have Over Active Bladder from hell.  I don’t think the boss would let me go pee every thirty minutes.  Yes, I’ve even had Botox injections in my bladder.

So, as I see it, the fact is that I am disabled.  No, I didn’t fall 20 feet to get a disability check.  Nor did I ask for a totally shitty life or any of this other shit to get a disability check.  Having that check means that I will be in poverty for the rest of my life.  Always struggling to pay bills and survive.  I was going to be an x-ray tech.  Whatever.

And the fact is that it is super hard to get the check anyway.  Everybody is up my butt to file, but it’s scary and humiliating.  Luckily, you can’t get too awfully much lower than I am right now.  Facts suck.

And yes, it is a fact that I am trying to be an affiliate marketer, as I am sure many of you are.  I know I’m not doing too good of a job, but I try really hard.

via Daily Prompt: Fact


2 thoughts on “Fact”

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